I've Got Mail!
I'll post any interesting messages here. E-mail me at email@example.com
From: Sabrina and Bubba
I could have sent you a donation so that someone else could keep a kitty they already owned ... but I took one step beyond that. I adopted my very own kitty! A beautiful brown and white tabby named Bubba. I saved his life. He was at the local SPCA and would have been put to sleep next week. Now I have my very own wonderful cat! Thanks for the inspiration, and thanks for raising funds for PAWS! Everyone deserves a wonderful companion!
Sabrina: Good for you -- another one of us is off the streets!
From: Trixie the Tuxedo Cat
My name is Trixie the Tuxedo Cat. I used to live in a bush, until I was rescued by my human. I repay her kindness by giving a 10 second warning before I barf, so she can shove an old magazine in front of my mouth. When she's not home, I still try to aim for a magazine, except I usually pick one she's still reading because I don't want to be TOO nice. We both think PAWS is a great cause, so here is a little donation from both of us.
Trixie: Magazines? Huh....I find the carpet is much more absorbent.
(NOTE: The message below was posted by Karyn -- of SaveKaryn.com fame -- on her Web site's daily diary. While I didn't receive this message personally, I felt I should respond in an open letter.)
"Monday, Sept. 9, 2002: Today I pet my kitty. It didn't necessarily help me save a buck or make a buck, but he is sweet and deserves to be pet. I guess it kept me occupied for a good long while so I didn't think about spending any money. That's it. Yup. He helped me save money because he's so cute and has a fluffy belly."
Karyn: I couldn't agree with you more re: cats' ability to make you relax and forget about shopping. A belly rub makes me AND the Human happy. Think about that next time you get a craving for shopping: A cat is a much better accessory than a pair of Prada shoes.
From: Diva Kimball
Subject: Perhaps I can help save you
Greetings. My name is Diva and, as the name suggests, I am a Cat of the highest order. A deity, practically. I was much impressed by your Web site and would like to introduce myself. As you can see from my photograph, I cut quite a svelte figure. My interests include shedding, taunting small insects, barfing on the carpet and lying in wait for that other Cat my Human so stupidly acquired so I can swat at his head.
Allow me to express my condolences at your current state of economic woe. I know what it is like to face hardship. Once, I was my Humans' only significant other. Then they took the offensive step of acquiring a second Cat. His name is Ivan. I loathe him so. Then, to add insult to injury, they got a Dog. A large one, with a brain the size of a chickpea. And now there is a small Human who finds it humorous to chase me about the house. I am pained by this and therefore must barf more than usual on the carpet. I would like to help a clever cat such as yourself so I have instructed my Humans to send you a sawbuck. Good luck, and if you are ever in Los Angeles, you may call on me and perhaps I will let you try out my scratching post.
Diva: Thanks for coercing your humans into giving me money. You're quite a cute little Siamese. Are you fixed?
From: Abby Kimball (Diva's, uh, sister)
dear buster, good luk. It is not tru i have a brain the size of a chikpea. do you play catch? i like to play catch. also i like to fetch. fetch and catch. if you are ever unhapy try a tenis ball, they are gud. yours, Abishag the greyhound.
Dear Abishag: I don't know about the brain-size thing, but you definitely need to use spell-check. Regarding whether I like to fetch: You MUST be joking. By the way, nice bed you got there, and I like your little stuffed friends.
Subject: Where's the tabby?
A quote from your Web site: "If SaveKaryn.com can help a girl raise thousands of dollars for her credit card bills, and HelpMeLeaveMyHusband.com can help some woman unload her old man, then a friendly tabby cat should be able to beg for some money to cover the bills I've racked up for the Human."
Listen, Buster...I might consider helping you out if you were truly a tabby (as far as I'm concerned, tabbies are the cat's meow). But you don't even give a decent impression of a tabby!
I'd say it's time to trade in that tuxedo for a pinstripe suit ;)
Bo: Holy cow, I think you're right. Did my brain-addled Human get it wrong? I'm just a regular bicolor cat, right??? Fer cripes' sake. I'll make her edit out the calico reference tonight (she handles HTML), and as punishment for her mistake, I'll wake her up at 4am tomorrow.
From: Billy and Elsa
Buster, you sure have a cute mug and lot of chutzpah. But there are some things we don't understand. Just because you were born to a poor homeless mother 7 years ago doesn't mean you're poor now. In fact, from your pix, it looks as though you live in pretty neat digs. You even get to go to France, for criminy's sake. You gotta lotta nerve asking folks for cash, we think.
Billy and Elsa: Well, you can never be too rich or too thin, as they say. I don't know if this applies to cats, but it works for me. It may comfort you to know that all donations will be appropriately invested.
From: Quico and Popoki
Our names are Quico and Popoki and our owner asked us to send this donation to you (we're not allowed to use the computer, even though it has a mouse!). Ask your owner to spend it on Tidy Cat Crystals. They're like diamonds!
Q & P: Thanks for the donation. By the way, that computer mouse is already dead, so there's no point playing with it. Regarding Tidy Cat Crystals: I'm actually not a litter box cat. I use the neighbor's herb garden.
Buster, You lying sack of shit. Friendly, my ass. I was in town for four days last summer and I didn't get so much as a "what's happenin'" from you. And don't kid yourself -- I know the human pretty well. She loves you and takes pictures of you and gives you the smelly mackerel. But remember that she drops your ass like a bad habit when it's time to jump across the pond...Who knows, she could have a cat in every port. I'd be careful if I were you. Love, Aunt Robyn
Robyn: You were here for four days?? Hmm. I must have been asleep.
Dear Buster, I am Orange Pekoe (You can just call me Pekoe). I'm having my human send this message for me. His name is Ned, the outreach/volunteer Coordinator at PAWS, which I see you are donating the money raised by your website towards. Well, Ned's pretty cool but he's always running around for PAWS and he's put me on a diet. I don't get it! I only weigh 19 pounds.
So here are some things I do to get back at Ned. You may want to try these too wirh your Human: While I could use the litter box, I find it an unneccesary burden, so often I like to use the carpet in the hall. My tail happens to be a mighty weapon which I can flip around at will, knocking stuff off our coffee table and spilling it on the floor. I highly suggest using this technique with any kind of juice or wine on the table. Last night, I thought it would be fun to throw up all over Ned's room in the middle of the night. He seemed pretty cool with that, all things considered, so I went on to making lots of noise chewing on a plastic bag in the room and, that really got him good.
It's not all payback with Ned. Sure enough, we have our fun. I have a great time destroying toys he's bought and cuddling with him and my bother, Earl Grey. Sometimes I even dance for Ned. (See picture above -- you can see Earl down on the lower left). Anyway Ned doesn't let us out, but I wish I could go chase vermin like you. Maybe you can send me some taste pics some time.
Pekoe: Wow, you indoor cats know how to have fun. I'll try the plastic-bag thing tonight.
Thanks, Buster, for the offering during my stay at your pad back in 2000. While I enjoyed the offer, dead and partially-eaten birds aren't really my thing.
Diane: Once you go bird, you never go back.
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