My Money-Saving Diary
Here's how I've been economizing lately.
June 15: I got some fish heads from the Human's friend. Even though they look like something that fell out of someone's nose, I ate them anyway.
May 5: The Human has ordered me some shaved fish chips --wholesale, mind you! -- from her friend, (here comes the plug), the owner of the hip and stylish San Francisco pet gear shop, George. These fish chips are like kitty crack, lemme tell you.
April 10: Pepperidge Farm Goldfish do not contain fish. But I ate some anyway.
Nov. 25: Ooo la la! The Human just came back from France and brought me a can of "saumon avec des asperges vertes." The food was brown and smelled good, so I ate it.
Nov. 14: Massive score. Human brought home mackerel from a restaurant meal (see below). After it congealed in the fridge overnight and began to stink like death, it was placed in my bowl. Bliss.
Nov. 8: Tried to share some of Human's plate of food so that she doesn't have to spend so much on kibble. She screamed, "SOMETIMES DINNER IS JUST FOR ME AND NOT FOR CATS!!!!!" Someone needs a few chill pills around here.
Nov. 1: Woke up Human at 5:30am by knocking pens off of the desk one by one. The earlier she gets up, the faster she can get to work and earn money.
Oct. 30: The Human got free packages of Milk-Bone Soft 'n' Chewy Chicken Drumstix Dog Treats. I ate them so as to be thrifty. Treats are shaped like chicken drumsticks, so dogs think they are the real thing. What morons.
Oct. 28: Oh, shit. Lost the good collar with the shiny ID tag. Must try to cover self with mud and look bedraggled to arouse sympathy and convince her that collar loss accompanied life-threatening brush with a dog or some such.
Oct. 15: Slept about 18 hours. Conserved energy, which surely helps save money, maybe.
Oct. 5: Slept 17 hours. Slowing down metabolism reduces need for kibble -- some savings there, I think.
August 26: Slapped around young neighbor cat Sayde to show her who's boss. Exercise helps keep me limber -- good for injury prevention. A strained paw could send me straight to the Cat Clinic.
August 25: More sleeping. Good.
August 23: Caught own dinner. Ate the head, and brought in the rest for the Human. Gesture was not appreciated. No accounting for taste.
August 22: Went into Sayde's house through her cat door and ate her food. Like taking candy from a baby. Excellent money-saving opportunity -- will continue on daily basis.
August 21: Kind of tired today. Took extra-long nap.